no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
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