I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
Randomize
