I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
Randomize
