DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
Randomize
