I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
Randomize
