the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
Randomize
