I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
Randomize
