Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
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