Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
Randomize