There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
Randomize
