So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
Randomize