Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
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