and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
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