i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
Randomize
