so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
Randomize
