I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Randomize
