would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
Randomize