I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
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