An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
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