It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Randomize
