Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
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