She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
Just pee around me
Why are your pants in the freezer?
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize