Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
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