Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
Randomize