In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
You left your underwear on the fireplace
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
Randomize
