I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
Randomize
