now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
Randomize
