Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
Randomize
