Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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