Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
Randomize
