there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
Randomize
