What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
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