so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
Last time I had a one night stand he ended up stalking me for two months.
So you're not picking up this weekend?
This weekend, I am Angela, visiting from Calgary. We'll have to roleplay this.
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Randomize
