remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
she told me i tasted like america
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
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