I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
Randomize
