turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
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