I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
why do cheetos always look like penises
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
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