Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
Randomize
