Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
I touched a dick in church today
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
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