Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
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