I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
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