Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
Randomize
