my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
I drew a nude short fat middle aged woman today and liked it
It was honestly one of my favorite days in art class except for the 20 min she faced me and kept looking at me and we made eye contact
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
Randomize
