he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize
