He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
Randomize