I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
My bed smells like the plague
Randomize
