he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
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