You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
Randomize
