My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
