Its ok relax. i can tell ur gonna start raggin. talk 2 u next week
Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
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