Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
Randomize
