she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
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