well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
Randomize
