Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
Randomize
