You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
Randomize
