Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
Randomize
