im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
Randomize
