He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
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