spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
Randomize