Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
Randomize
