Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
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