Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
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