I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
Randomize
