I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Randomize
