god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
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