So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
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