Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
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