I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
Randomize