I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
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