I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
I just googled if crying burns calories
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
Randomize
