And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
