i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
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