i always forget guys have bellybuttons
BROstal carolina. Watching a boy drinking rum and coke out of a cup of noodle empty cup.
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
there is glitter all over my balls
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Randomize
