Pappa wants mamma naked
I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
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