some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
Randomize