Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
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