dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
Randomize
