Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
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