well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
Randomize