I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
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