Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
Four minutes until I can fart!
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
Randomize
