i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
my penis made a compromise with my morals
Randomize
