so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
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