ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
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